What is obstruction of contact?
At its core, obstruction of contact means one parent, consciously or unconsciously, making it difficult for the child to maintain a relationship with the other parent, or preventing that relationship. This can happen openly and clearly, but it can also happen very subtly over a long period.
Small things can develop into a pattern
As a lawyer, you often see that obstruction of contact does not begin with a major decision. It starts with small things that then develop into a pattern. Over time, the relationship between the child and the other parent begins to weaken.
In some cases, the obstruction is very clear. One parent simply refuses to hand over the child despite an agreement or court order being in place. In other cases, it is considerably harder to detect. The child may gradually begin to express resistance to contact without any clear explanation. The child may start using phrases that sound more like an adult’s words and reasoning. As a lawyer, you sometimes see situations where a child is caught in the middle of the adults’ conflict and begins to take on one parent’s feelings, anxiety or anger.
- Contact is cancelled at the last minute.
- The child becomes ‘ill’ every time they are due to see the other parent.
- Telephone contact is made difficult.
- Information about school, healthcare and activities is not shared.
Its significance in a custody dispute
What makes obstruction of contact so serious is that courts and municipal family law services increasingly regard the child’s need for a functioning relationship with both parents as an important part of the child’s best interests. If you actively undermine that relationship, it can have a significant bearing on a custody dispute.
Many parents are surprised to learn that obstruction of contact can, in some cases, affect decisions about custody, meaning legal responsibility for the child. From the court’s perspective, however, this concerns something fundamental. If you cannot or will not support your child’s relationship with the other parent, this may raise questions about your ability to co-operate and to put your child’s needs ahead of your own conflict.
Not every cancelled contact arrangement amounts to obstruction
As a lawyer, however, I am always careful to point out that not every cancelled contact arrangement amounts to obstruction of contact. Children can become ill. Practical problems can arise. Sometimes there are also legitimate grounds for restricting contact, for example where there are serious concerns about the child’s safety or wellbeing. This is why the court always tries to identify patterns over time rather than focus on isolated incidents.
Keep calm, factual records
If you feel that the other parent is obstructing your contact with your child, the first piece of advice is almost always to start documenting the situation. Not through anger or lengthy accusatory messages, but by keeping calm, factual records. Dates, times, cancelled contact arrangements, messages and specific incidents often prove considerably more valuable than emotional accounts.
As a lawyer, you often see that a parent who calmly and systematically records what is actually happening is in a considerably stronger position than one who reacts with anger or conflict. The court wants to understand what has actually happened.
Enforcement and conditional fines
If there is an agreement or court order concerning contact and the other parent refuses to comply, you may in some cases need to take the matter back to court. You may need to apply for enforcement, which means asking the court to ensure that the existing order or agreement is actually followed.
In some situations, the court may impose a conditional fine. This means that a parent who fails to comply with the order risks financial consequences. In more serious situations, the court may order other enforcement measures. Even here, however, courts are very cautious because the child’s best interests always remain central.
Do not respond with further obstruction
What many parents do not understand is that obstruction of contact is rarely just a legal issue. It often involves psychology and relationships. The longer the obstruction continues, the greater the risk of damage to the relationship between the child and the other parent. It is therefore important to act early and strategically.
As a lawyer, I also often say that the biggest mistake many parents make is to respond to obstruction with further obstruction. As the conflict escalates, both parents begin to work against each other, and the child is caught in the middle. It is almost always the child who loses out as a result.
The focus is on the child’s needs
Throughout the proceedings, the court generally asks itself the same question: which parent is trying to create a functioning relationship between the child and the other parent, and which parent is contributing to the continuing conflict?
This is not just about missed contact. It concerns the child’s right to a relationship with both parents and which parent is best able to put the child’s needs ahead of their own conflict. That is often the court’s focus when assessing these issues.