It is not about who loves the child most
The child’s best interests are not about which parent loves the child most, has spent the most time with the child or has the strongest feelings. The court seeks to understand which arrangement will give the child the greatest security, stability and lasting sense of calm – not just now, but in the future. The judge continually shifts the focus from the conflict between the adults to the child’s actual needs.
Security and stability
Can the child have a stable daily life with routines that work? Can the child live without constantly being drawn into their parents’ conflicts? Children need calm and predictability, which is why stability often carries considerable weight.
The ability to co-operate
Joint custody – shared legal responsibility for the child – depends on parents being able to make important decisions together. The court does not require a perfect relationship: many parents find it difficult to co-operate at times. What matters is whether the conflict affects the child and whether you, as parents, can put your child’s needs before your own conflict.
The court also pays attention to which parent supports the child’s relationship with the other parent. A parent who shields the child from the conflict is often seen as more focused on the child than one who is driven by a need for control.
Risk
Is there a risk of harm to the child, for example through violence, threats, substance misuse or mental ill health? Risk is not limited to physical violence: psychological strain and prolonged conflicts of loyalty can also be significant.
The child’s wishes
The child’s wishes form part of the assessment, increasingly so as the child gets older, but they are never the only factor. The court assesses the child’s maturity and whether their views appear to be independently formed or influenced by others. When a child expresses strong feelings against a parent, the court and the municipal family law service try to understand why: the child’s own experiences, influence from others or a conflict of loyalty.
How parents behave during proceedings
Throughout the proceedings, the court observes how you, as parents, handle conflict: can you control your emotions, communicate objectively and protect your child, or do you draw your child into the conflict? Aggressive text messages, threatening communications, manipulation or attempts to influence the child can therefore carry considerable weight.
The central issue in custody proceedings
The child’s best interests are rarely about who is ‘perfect’. In many cases, both parents love their child. The question that often underlies everything else is: which parent is best able to put the child’s needs before their own conflict?