An emotionally demanding step
I usually explain to clients that this is one of the most emotionally demanding steps in the whole process. Many feel anxious, stressed and uncertain. At the same time, it is important to understand that the court is not there to ‘punish’ either parent. The court’s task is to find the solution that is in the child’s best interests in the long term.
Application for a summons
The process begins with an application for a summons being filed with the district court. In it, you explain what you want the court to order and why — for example, sole custody, meaning sole legal responsibility for your child, an order that your child should live with you on a settled basis, or clearer contact arrangements.
What matters is not just the order you seek, but how you describe the situation and how clearly you can explain why your proposed solution is best for your child. Many people believe that the process is about showing how bad the other parent is. However, the court focuses primarily on the child’s circumstances and the parents’ ability to put the child’s needs ahead of their conflict. How you come across is therefore often more important than how much criticism you direct at the other party.
The application is then sent to the other parent, who has an opportunity to respond. This gives the court its first picture of the family, the child and the level of conflict.
Preparatory hearing
The district court will then usually call a preparatory hearing — often the first time both parents meet in court. This is not normally the final hearing itself. Its purpose is to help the judge understand the situation and explore whether a solution can be found without a final hearing.
This hearing often matters more than many people realise. The judge also observes how the parents behave:
- How do they communicate?
- Can they control their emotions?
- Do they focus on the child or on their conflict with each other?
Interim orders
In connection with the preparatory hearing, the court may make temporary orders, known as interim orders, setting out the arrangements to apply while the proceedings are ongoing — for example, where your child should live for the time being or what contact arrangements should be in place. Although these orders are temporary, they often have a significant impact because they govern your child’s everyday life over a long period.
The custody investigation
If the conflict is extensive, the court will often order a custody investigation, which is often the most decisive part of the process. The investigators speak to both parents, the child and sometimes staff at the child’s school or nursery, child and adolescent mental health services (BUP), or other people involved in the child’s life.
The investigators often pay more attention to how the parents themselves cope under pressure than to what they say about each other: can they co-operate, protect the child from the conflict and provide security despite the situation? Once the investigation is complete, the municipal family law service submits a report with a recommendation. The court is not obliged to follow it, but it usually carries considerable weight.
Final hearing and judgment
If the parents still cannot agree, the case proceeds to a final hearing — the trial itself. Both parties, witnesses and sometimes other people involved in the child’s life give evidence. The court then makes its decision.
An overall assessment
Custody cases are rarely decided on the basis of a single incident. The court almost always makes an overall assessment of who can provide the greatest security, who is best able to co-operate over matters concerning the child, and whether there is a risk of harm to the child.
A custody dispute is therefore not just about the law. It is also about self-control and your ability to put your child’s needs first, even when the situation is very difficult.